A different path

Starting sixth form last September was quite exciting with all the new exciting things i was going to be learning about. I chose BTEC triple drama and for the first 3 months i really enjoyed it. I'd made closer friends with people in my class and made new friends. However, after the Christmas pantomime all the work started piling up and i was feeling very overwhelmed. In BTEC drama you have to do a logbook for each unit-over two years you do 18 units, a logbook if you don't know is where you would reflect and you say about character work and research into the plays you do. I enjoyed the logbook bit for the fact that i could decorate it and make it look fancy (that is not the point of a logbook)

I was feeling worse and less into drama as the days went by so i went and spoke to the (kind of) head of sixth form. She told me that she doesn't see me having an office job because she knows at how creative i am. I wasn't happy and i think people could tell. I told one of my closest friends this and she said 'I’ll support you no matter what you choose but before you let go of it ima do everything possible to find your drama spark again!' It's great to have supportive friends around you that want what is best for you and to make you feel happy again. A couple months down the line we were going to the theatre to perform a play we did for connexions500 it was a very big thing for us. I'd found my light again and I thought I’d stick by it. I had done my logbooks on time for the most part anyway i was leaving most of it to do before the deadline and i wouldn't go sleep until late due to stressing about logbooks. During year 12 i napped a lot i don't know if it was down to drama but i was stressing a lot about it - learning lines, getting the right movement and everything. 

On my final day of year 12. I went to the head of drama (my drama teacher and my form tutor) and i said to her that i wanted to leave i found a college course and i wanted to do that. I think she knew that i truly didn't want to do drama for the rest of my life. I want to be a tattoo artist. When i told her about the art and design course she asked if I’d applied and when i said i hadn't she told me to do it right at that moment, She was is very supportive and agreed with my choice. I went in to do some painting at the school this holiday and i told her about my interview about my enrolment and she was pleased for me. 

I bought some henna cones to do some tattoo designs on myself to practice on keeping my hand steady and getting small details. My friends started asking for them and i was all for doing it because it was practice and i enjoyed doing it and they always smiled at the outcome of it, which was good to see. I have designed some people tattoos that they are getting done which is insane! I am now getting a tattoo kit for Christmas this year to start getting into my future dream job.

I'm leaving year 12 with i think a pass or a merit in BTEC drama (I won't be able to get my results until next year) I’m leaving happy because I’m going into something that i want to do for the rest of my life. I'm excited for the future and to try new things and meet new people. This is a different path than what I expected to take but it’s the right one.

Be yourself!

So have you ever been told 'don't do that you'll look silly' or 'stop being so weird' what about 'you don't look right'? I have. I've been told my whole life from people outside of my own family not to do things because it won't look right or it will look silly or something, thinking about it they probably thought they were helping by putting in their opinion but they weren't, not really.

• Hair

Ever since year 10 (aged 15) I have dyed my hair. I've loved it, it makes me feel confident. I was bullied in school. My natural hair was dark brown almost black and quite frizzy due to this I was called Hagrid from Harry Potter. That has stuck with me and I think it always will to be honest. It really put a downer on my confidence and I lost a lot of it. I decided to dye my hair red so it wasn’t dark brown anymore. I used to put my hair up all the time and on certain days i wanted it down I straightened it so it didn’t go frizzy. This caused my hair to get fried and i had very brittle ends. My hair was quite long at this point but I didn’t bother to cut it because I still liked my long hair. plus I never went to hairdressers and i always did it myself  mainly because i don't trust people with my hair. I kept this up for about a year and a half. 

I got to about half was through year 11 (exam year aged 16. Scary..) and i decided to cut it, i cut off about 7 inches probably. Cutting off all the split/ fried ends. It was a refresh i also think i dyed my hair purple maybe blonde, i can't remember. I started feeling happier because i was being myself again. I was still mildly getting bullied but it was mainly just name calling and i just tried to shut it out a lot of the time. 

However, going into year 13-well college (aged 17 at the moment) i have dyed my hair every colour that is possible pretty much- blue, pink, green, purple, blonde but it went orange and yellow... I am currently rocking a blue pink purple and green hair dye choice that i did myself at 11 at night in which my brother and dad were laughing because it looked weird or whatever. I dyed it when my mum was at work so it was a nice surprise for her when she got home the following morning. I have had little kids thinking i look like a mythical creature which is really cute and i have very supportive parents that enjoy a change i guess. They just like to make sure that i like it and if i do then they do (saying that they were a little unsure of when i went blue but they got used to it) I think even into my adulthood life i shall be dying my hair wild colours to make myself happy.

• Body

I guess my whole life so far looking back at it I’ve always been on the chubbier side of the weight scale. This affected me only really when i hit year 7 so secondary school and i realised how much bigger i was then a majority of people. 11 Years old. 2 years down the line people were calling me fat and that is i think when it really hit me that i really was what people were saying. I was fat. So that’s when i started wanting to get healthier/ skinnier - i wanted to 'fit in'

Year 10 being the year you really need to knuckle down ready for exams means you should be focused on school work right? I wasn't. The only thing i was worried about was my image. Year 10 was a year that i lost a bit of weight and not in the most healthy way i would skip breakfast leave for school at about 8:15 not have lunch until i got home at about 3:30 and sometimes it could just be a packet of crisps (not the healthiest of food but food. at least that’s what i thought at the time) I kept this up pretty much each week day but at the weekend i would eat quite a lot. I know this isn't a healthy relationship with food and I’ve gotten better since then luckily. 

Currently it's the summer holidays between year 12 and year 13 and I’m not skinny I’m what people would call fat. the only difference is that now i don't care what people think or what people would call me. I'm happy being myself in the skin i am in. Yes i have marks and scars but I’m happy. The sooner i realised not to care about what people thought about me the happier i became. I still get looked at and i still get called names but i just don't care.

• Face

I've always had a patchy face - by that i mean i have dry patches on my cheeks and around my nose and sometimes on my chin and i have oily patches on my nose and forehead. I also have freckles across my cheeks and nose and spots on my chin and around my nose and forehead a lot of the time. I started wearing makeup when i got into secondary school mainly just mascara and then year 8 i got foundation and lipstick then year 9 i got a pencil eyeliner and started wearing more dark lipstick and bright red lipstick. Year 10 i found out what eyebrows were and liquid eyeliner. Then year 11 i found out tweezers were for eyebrows i managed to tame them and i started wearing makeup properly and watched tutorials to try some different looks and stuff (all of my make-up was drugstore makeup) 

I felt more confident in makeup well i thought i did. Now i sometimes just go out without any makeup on and it’s really quite refreshing, it saves me about 5-10 minutes in the morning and then when you do put some on for special occasions it makes you feel more dressed up. That's how I feel anyway. I enjoy doing makeup but it is nice to sometimes have days where you don't bother with it. For example i went camping for a week and i didn't bother to take any make up with me and it was wonderful i sat out most days and the fresh air and the sunshine cleared my skin quite a lot.

I've always thought that you had to wear makeup to cover up any imperfections because you see all these airbrushed ads nowadays and there isn't a single spot or anything in sight. However, that isn't how they look in person i mean some people do look airbrushed in person but not everyone and that is ok. But don't feel the need to wear makeup because everyone else is wearing makeup

Overall

Don't try to be someone you're not. Don't let people tell you what to do or what to become because i can tell you from my experience it sucks. You need to do what is good and what is right for yourself. Stay true to yourself and don't let anyone make you feel like you're not good enough! Be yourself!